Friday, February 25, 2005

This week in the mail I received a pretty ugly-looking package. They took two regular envelopes and flipped them so the licky part of one met the licky part of the other, forming an odd square paper package. The handwriting looked like a fifth grader's, and it was addressed to:

"Attention Doug"
[our shopping center's street address]

In case you're wondering, there is no Doug at our shop or any other store here in the complex. God knows how the post office knew to give it to me but it arrived. The return address read simply "Jester Jigs." Inside was a note with the same shitty handwriting, laid out on half of a ripped sheet of blue-lined paper. It said, "Jester Jigs sends greetings. Contact Sean at [phone number]. Check out . -Later"

Accompanying the note was a Maxell CD-r in a see-through green plastic sleeve with absolutely no artwork or information on it. Contained on the disc were 21 tracks lasting 66 minutes, sort of an angrier version of a hippy jam band. Sample lyric: "Take it slooooowww!! I can't find mah...way back home!!!" Brilliant.


Monday, February 21, 2005

My Encounter With the Time Traveller

Guy just walked into the store, then spotted me and stopped short with a serious look. "What's the date?" he demanded. I checked the monitor on the cash register. "Ummm, it's the -- twenty-first," I said.

"No," he replied. "The year. What year?" I half expected him to grab my lapels, even though this shirt has none. That's how it works in time travel movies, right? Wild-eyed guy runs in and grabs the shopkeeper's lapels, screaming, "What year is it, man? Quickly! We must stop it from killing Sarah Connor!"

But it just wasn't destined to be that dramatic. "It's 2005," I said, giving him the Clint Squint. The he turned around and left. I hope he finds his way back to his own time someday. Until then, may he continue to set right what once went wrong.


Monday, February 14, 2005

He: Is there another music store in this shopping center?

Me: No.

He: That sucks. Can you recommend another music place that has new music?

Me: What do you mean?

He: Well, you have some stuff but not the newest albums for an artist.

Me: That's odd. What artist were you looking for?

He: Well, there's a new Jack Johnson album out and my girlfriend really wants it.

Me: I think you're smoking crack. There's no new Jack Johnson until next month.

He: Yeah there is, I heard it on the radio.

Me: (looking it up on our distributor's website) See, it comes out the first week of March. Don't listen to the radio, they're idiots.

He: I gotta go tell my girlfriend she's wrong again.


Thursday, February 10, 2005

The big news this month: our Used Books Guy is no longer with us. Let us all bow our heads in remembrance of our pally David, who was laid off for budgetary reasons, according to our manager. "It was in no way performance-related," he proclaimed in the front counter daybook. Just between you and me though, there are certain elements here at the shop who have whispered that it might have been a bit more than just the question of a paycheck. There is, for example, a ripple of suspicion that he was out for coffee more than at his desk. Hey, I'm just passing on information here. Don't look in my direction. Anywho, what this earth-shattering news means for me is that I'll no longer be seeing much of any coworkers all day, as there is now a large room and several corners 'twixt they and me. It's cool though, I don't really get lonely at work. I've got my significant other, The Internet, to keep me company. Huzzah!


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