The Blog Of No Return
Friday, April 01, 2005
I like to watch hookers.
Yes indeed I do, and this morning I was staring at a fine Hooker indeed. An episode of William Shatner's TJ Hooker TV show, that is. In this episode, officer Jim Corrigan (James Darren) takes a fall while apprehending a suspect, and damages the part of the brain that controls rage. I think you know where this is going. Officer Corrigan starts beating the shit out of suspects left and right, then he goes home to relax. Unfortunately, he drops a beer on the floor. Now that wouldn't be much of a big deal except that in his rage-fueled stupor...he opens the beer can in his face. Oooohh, I am so mad! he seems to say, as he tears down his bookshelf and his liquor cabinet. His good buddy Hooker comes to the rescue and arrives just in time to roll around the shag carpeting with Corrigan, finally coming to rest with Corrigan facedown on the floor and TJ dryhumping him disturbingly from behind. Or maybe TJ is just holding him down until the paramedics arrive, I've forgotten now. Corrigan pleads: "I'm so scared right now! Help me!"
Yet even that scene pales in comparison with the next part of the story (which by the way is about a crazy ex-military parachute packer who's strangling bagladies). The gang goes undercover at a female mudwrestling match -- oh 1980s how I still love you -- and one bad guy takes a lady mudwrestler hostage as he escapes. This gives us a very interesting scene, as we see a mud-covered, bikini-clad gal in broad daylight, a place you just don't expect to see that kind of thing. Naturally, TJ ends up with mud on his uniform and I'll let you figure out how. Finally, after extensive testing, officer Jim Corrigan gets a bandage around his head, and he gets to sit in a hospital bed with cops around him laughing in a freezeframe. Oh, and before I forget: somewhere in there they catch the ex-military guy with the "bloused boots." He's kind enough to completely explain his motivation to Hooker in the middle of the knife fight: "M-m-mother had to die. Don't you see? She tied me up as a kid...she had to die...BUT...she already died!! So those other women had to die!! Don't you SEE??!" Yeah pal, thanks. We get it.
The episode may now be deleted from the Tivo, but its memory will live in my heart and mind forever. What were we talking about again?
Yes indeed I do, and this morning I was staring at a fine Hooker indeed. An episode of William Shatner's TJ Hooker TV show, that is. In this episode, officer Jim Corrigan (James Darren) takes a fall while apprehending a suspect, and damages the part of the brain that controls rage. I think you know where this is going. Officer Corrigan starts beating the shit out of suspects left and right, then he goes home to relax. Unfortunately, he drops a beer on the floor. Now that wouldn't be much of a big deal except that in his rage-fueled stupor...he opens the beer can in his face. Oooohh, I am so mad! he seems to say, as he tears down his bookshelf and his liquor cabinet. His good buddy Hooker comes to the rescue and arrives just in time to roll around the shag carpeting with Corrigan, finally coming to rest with Corrigan facedown on the floor and TJ dryhumping him disturbingly from behind. Or maybe TJ is just holding him down until the paramedics arrive, I've forgotten now. Corrigan pleads: "I'm so scared right now! Help me!"
Yet even that scene pales in comparison with the next part of the story (which by the way is about a crazy ex-military parachute packer who's strangling bagladies). The gang goes undercover at a female mudwrestling match -- oh 1980s how I still love you -- and one bad guy takes a lady mudwrestler hostage as he escapes. This gives us a very interesting scene, as we see a mud-covered, bikini-clad gal in broad daylight, a place you just don't expect to see that kind of thing. Naturally, TJ ends up with mud on his uniform and I'll let you figure out how. Finally, after extensive testing, officer Jim Corrigan gets a bandage around his head, and he gets to sit in a hospital bed with cops around him laughing in a freezeframe. Oh, and before I forget: somewhere in there they catch the ex-military guy with the "bloused boots." He's kind enough to completely explain his motivation to Hooker in the middle of the knife fight: "M-m-mother had to die. Don't you see? She tied me up as a kid...she had to die...BUT...she already died!! So those other women had to die!! Don't you SEE??!" Yeah pal, thanks. We get it.
The episode may now be deleted from the Tivo, but its memory will live in my heart and mind forever. What were we talking about again?
